Love for a Foreign Planet

I asked a friend something, today. If you're really gay, I said, then why don't you check out guys? He gave me this sad, sweet smile, and said: Because I'm not homosexual, I'm K*sexual. K, his late boyfriend. I felt awful after I asked, because it brought back all that bittersweet nostalgia. He has been so unfailingly loyal, and thinking of all the ways that he was hurt because of that love makes me feel guilty about complaining about my own difficulties--

But my dear.. How would you handle loving someone you're not supposed to love? Whether it's because that someone would be better off without your love, or if the sort of love you have is just not accepted in society. I don't know what I'm doing even at the best of times. I wonder how you would deal with it.

Have you ever been in love? Isn't it horrible? The love that I have now, is like loving a foreign planet. I don't understand anything. Maybe if I reach out to you, and we connected, some strange understanding would happen. Maybe I will finally get it.

Maybe I am only dreaming.

*name changed for privacy issues